Perfectionism

What do we mean when we say I am a “perfectionist”? Where does this lead us to?

Many people refer to themselves as being a “perfectionist”. In fact, I was using this word often to describe my style at work among other aspects of life. However, at a certain point this description became a burden. It becomes a burden, when one becomes too identified with an image that is self-created as a reflection of the external environment or a result of past experience.

What I mean by this, is that seeking to create an image of a “perfectionist” is only a target that is created as a response to external influences such as the society, environment, other people or an unconscious mind. This is intimately related to the learnings we receive during our childhood and continue to pick up on as we grow older; where we are told this is right, this is wrong or this is how one should be! This learning establishes a benchmark where the perfect image is a by-product of a comparative living form. When I say I am a perfectionist; in what sense?! Compared to what?! What is it that is not perfect?!!!

The perfect image I am referring to is the ideals that we are taught or influenced by. For example, a person is about to make a decision to which path they are to take in a certain aspect of their life. For this, the person has assessed two options and thought one path may be enjoyable but is not up to the standards expected of them and the other path is tough but will lead to a better recognition- it will create that image of them being “perfect”. That is, of course, an illusion because first, it is the ego of the person creating this image and second, it is a reaction to what the society agrees as being perfect.

That illusion, however, can seriously hijack the person’s growth. When one identifies with this image -being a perfectionist- then they may tend to withdraw from taking any steps towards their goals; simply because they do not want to fail in achieving this “perfect” image in the eyes of someone at the end of this path. The eyes of someone -as I explained earlier- can be the society, family, friends or even the person being unconscious about who they truly are.

So, let’s get into where this leads us to! Naturally, keeping up with a self-created image can be draining. It may lead to restlessness, irritation, disappointments, dissatisfaction, anxiety to name a few. That is when it becomes a need to keep up with the “standards” created to maintain this image intact. Fear of failure may also creep in; one would think what if I cannot achieve this perfect image?!

One way of dealing with such pattern, is to remind ourselves that we truly are perfect inside. Get in touch with that true self that is absolute, be compassionate with yourself and others and remember you are not here to prove yourself to others or to yourself for that matter! Be curious! Decide that your actions come from a place where you are aligned with your values and can achieve your maximum potential and it is not to achieve a status or an image that only fulfils the ego-self.

Next time you think of this word “Perfectionist” or the act of being one, ask yourself what is missing? What is not perfect the way I am?